10 Movies Hollywood Likely Won't Remake
I am Pollyanna enough to believe that some movies are so perfect, no one would dare remake them. In this article I discuss those movies and why there is nothing to offer the versions we already have.
We constantly hear whispers about major Hollywood studios mining their intellectual property, and greenlighting blockbuster remakes of iconic films. Over recent years we’ve heard rumors about “updated” versions of “American Psycho”, “Weird Science,” or even “Scarface” (this 1983 masterpiece is a remake of a 1932 film), to name a few. Most reimagined films don’t end up as revered as “A Star is Born” (2018), “The Departed” or “True Grit” (2010). Rather, for years audiences have endured one lackluster remake after another, such as: “The Pink Panther,” “Dirty Dancing,” “Red Dawn,” “The Mummy,” “House Party,” “The Crow,” “Total Recall,” “Flatliners,” “The Mummy” (again, now with Tom Cruise), “Jacob’s Ladder,” “The Karate Kid,” “White Men Can’t Jump” - shall I go on? I know, the word “lackluster” was me being generous in the case of many of those films.
Now, all of that said.
A part of me still wants to believe that surely certain films are so flawlessly sacred, so sublimely made the first time, that not even greedy Hollywood executives would have the cajones to sully their legacy.
Right?
Right?
...RIGHT?”
*Ahem*
Well anyway…
Let’s take a look at some of those un-remakable films.
The Godfather
It’s perfect in every way. The cast. The Performances. That script by novelist Mario Puzzo. All guided by the gentle hand of Francis Ford Coppola. No one has anything to offer this epic tale of the Corleones. It would be like touching up the works of Michaelangelo or DaVinci. Something akin to ‘man-scaping’ the statue of “David,” or adding a Starbucks cup to “The Last Supper.”
Casablanca
Who’s going to beat Bogey and Bacall? Reynolds and Lively? Gosling and Stone? I think not. However, the end of “La La Land” did offer a sweet, and dare I say perfect homage to this golden age classic, which is a far more meaningful tribute to the film’s legacy than trying to recreate it.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
You just can’t recreate the chemistry of Paul Newman and Robert Redford. Although there was brief discussion about remaking this western classic in the late 90’s with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, after the success of “Good Will Hunting.” Even with that level of star power and real-life chemistry, they still had nothing to offer that Newman and Redford hadn’t already provided – and the project never got off the ground.
Rebel Without a Cause
No one will ever be able to capture the soul of the adrift Jim Stark, like James Dean. It’s hard to tell if it was his eyes. His stoic nature. Or Dean’s earnestness when delivering the line: “You’re tearing me apart!” But this movie, more specifically Dean’s performance, are sacred in the heights of the Hollywood pantheon - no one should dare.
Scent of a Woman
I pity the actor tasked with delivering Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade’s closing statement before the disciplinary board after Al Pacino spat fire in the original. “Out of order. I'll show you ‘out of order!’ You don't know what ‘out of order’ is,” Pacino delivers with such vitriolic glee. “I’d show you, but I'm too old, I'm too tired, I'm too fucking blind. If I were the man I was five years ago, I'd take a flamethrower to this place!” Someone might want to stand in Pacino’s shoes, but I assure you there isn’t any filling ‘em!
Pretty in Pink
There has never been another Molly Ringwald. And no one will ever match the dorky charm of Jon Cryer’s Duckie. Speaking of Duckie…what about that dance scene?
The Big Chill
It was lightning in a bottle. An entire cast of future Hollywood heavyweights like: Tom Berrenger, Glenn Close, William Hurt, Jeff Goldblum, Kevin Kline, Mary Kay Place, Meg Tilly, and JoBeth Williams. A killer Motown soundtrack. And a bitingly funny, melancholy, and whimsical script – which practically invented the nostalgic getaway dramedy genre. A concept adopted by subsequent films like: “Catch & Release,” “This is Where I Leave You,” “Beautiful Girls,” and “Live Nude Girls.”
Citizen Kane
Edgy and controversial for 1941 – this Orson Welles’ classic was entirely his and his alone. Writing, directing, and producing the film, no one will ever have anything to add to his singular vision. A nonlinear interpretation of the life of William Randolph Hurst, through the fictional life of Charles Foster Kane. It was social and political commentary that held the powers at be in check and led the charge toward high-minded public discourse. It even introduced what might be the most famous MacGuffin in cinematic history. Whisper it: “Rosebud.”
Annie Hall
Many have tried. All have failed. No one will ever out-Woody-Allen, Woody Allen. “Annie Hall” is his masterpiece. Diane Keaton’s sweet and vulnerable performance is the perfect complement to Woody Allen’s neurotic mensch. You can’t script in-the-moment improvisations like the infamous “Lobster Scene.” Much like Paul Newman and Robert Redford with Butch and Sundance, chemistry (platonic or otherwise) won’t be forced, and late 70’s Allen and his muse Diane Keaton, had effortless chemistry. And then there’s the blazers…
Gone with the Wind
In recent years, the idea of remaking this all-time classic has been floated around Hollywood, with names like Reese Witherspoon attached as Scarlett O’Hara, and Hugh Jackman or Matthew McConaughey as Rhett Butler. That said, it teeters on the “Movies Hollywood Shouldn’t Remake, But Probably Will” list. However, the fact that box office catnip like Witherspoon, Jackman, and McCaughey haven’t been able to well any interest in the idea – it seems likely the original will remain unaccosted…for now.